I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a pretty good sleeper. For the most part, I’ve always been able to sleep soundly through the night. I can only imagine how this must make Lindsay, my wife, feel. We live in the south where summer storms, fall tornadoes and serious weather are a part of life. No matter how bad the storm gets, though, I always seem to sleep right through the worst of it.

I can only imagine how Lindsay must look over at me incredulously, sleeping like a baby, thunder cracking, lightning filling the sky. There I am, curled up underneath the covers not worrying about the possible destruction that is all around us. When we lived in Alabama, I’m certain that I slept through at least 2 very close calls with serious tornadoes. The wind was howling, the building was creaking, the storm was rampaging through… but I just kept on sleeping.

I’ve been thinking a lot about sleeping through those storms as I’ve read Matthew 8 lately. It’s become a prayer for me, and maybe it could be for you too. The story goes that Jesus and his disciples were making their way across the lake, when suddenly a huge storm comes up out of nowhere. The boat was taking on water, the disciples were pretty sure they were about to drown, but Jesus was sound asleep. In Mark’s version of this story we read that Jesus wasn’t just asleep, he had gotten really comfy, “sleeping on a pillow” (Mark 4:38)!?!

The disciples wake Jesus up. They are scared and frustrated, or at the very least they had to have been disappointed that he doesn’t seem to care about what is going to happen to them. The storm is raging, the boat is starting to break — and there Jesus is… sleeping through it all.

I’ve heard this story a lot in my life, I would guess many of us have. It’s a favorite for children’s church as kids can easily imagine being on a boat with big waves and how scary it must have been. We love the part of the story where Jesus just pops up and calms the storm. Everything is better. Poof! Just like that.

It isn’t a bad thing to teach young kids (or “big kids”) about how we can trust and have faith in God who calms the storms of our lives. That, indeed, is a major part of the message! But I think this story has become too “cute” for me nowadays. The images I’ve always dreamt up for this story don’t fit the reality of our lives anymore. The real pain; the real needs; the real wanting and longing… A precious little storm that is easily subdued by a yawning, gentle-Jesus just won’t work in my life right now.

I need Jesus to wake up! Seriously. The storms are raging. Life can be so brutal. We need an alert and at-the-ready captain right now! Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever been in a hard place in your life and find yourself looking around for help and it feels like anyone who could help is out taking a nap?

This story is absolutely about having faith in God’s healing and helping love — at least that’s part of it. Now I find myself wondering if another lesson from this story is to give us permission to yell at God: wake up! What if that’s a bigger part of the story than we were told in those Sunday School lessons? What if part of the message is our need, God’s desire, for us to be completely honest/vulnerable/open before God in whatever season we are in? (Especially the stormy ones!)

There have been, and will be again, seasons of my life where I do not doubt for a second that God is with me, but it feels like he’s with me the same way Jesus was with the disciples in the boat: asleep. I’m grateful that for most of my life (all of it, really), I’ve not doubted God’s love for me. But in those awful seasons, where everything seems to fall apart, I need and want a God who isn’t taking a nap. I want the God from the end of the story — on the bow of the boat with arms raised, telling the storm to knock it off.

It must be my fear talking, though. That’s what Jesus says the disciples are doing. “[Jesus] said to them, ‘Why are you afraid you people of weak faith?'” But again, I think turning this story on its head may be helpful.

The word in Greek for “weak faith” is two words mushed together: “little/small” and “faith.” I started wondering, where else have we seen just a little faith? I think of the story of the loaves and fishes where just a few pieces of bread and meat were turned into enough to feed thousands (Matthew 15, Mark 8). Peter had “little faith” which led him to dance on the waves with Jesus, even just for a moment (Matthew 14). Or just a little faith to reach through crowds of people and touch the smallest part of Jesus’ garment was enough to heal a woman from a lifelong illness (Matthew 9).

I guess what I’m thinking is that just a little, a small amount, that’s enough for God. Just a little scream for God to wake up, God can be in that. Just a little faith, the belief that God really is with you and cares for you, God can bless that. Just a little vulnerability with God, a real and honest sharing, God will be there with you.

Through those seasons of needing to yell at God I am comforted that, although I may not be aware of how God is working or how God is active, I know God is with me. In all likelihood, when I feel like God is asleep, it’s probably me who is out of tune with how the Spirit is dancing and delivering, healing and hoping, touching and transforming the world.

My prayer, which is sometimes a scream, is that I might have just a little faith, and let God bless that. That I might seek to be in tune with the Messiah, not the storm. That I will continue to reach out to the One who really does welcome every part of us. Then transforms us. Then sends us back out to share love with all we meet.

Grace & Peace, Cole.